I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
