they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
