I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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