She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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