everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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