he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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