oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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