Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
