One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
