Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had sex on a roof
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
