I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
