i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
