She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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