i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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