Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
