I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
