I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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