if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sex in a hospital.. check
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
