i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
