So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
