she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
