She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
