a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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