Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I understand Curling. That high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
