...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
