For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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