First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Shame is for Republicans.
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