The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
