pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
