Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
