I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
