I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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