This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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