Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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