So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize