He kissed a someone with a penis
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
