dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
