He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
