FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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