But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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