"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
