I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
