Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize