it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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