I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
