Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
