What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
