there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
