So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
