Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
